Beauty In A Moment

Wow, life is complex!  I keep telling myself I need to simplify my life.  I keep telling myself I want a simple life but evidently I really don’t.  Selling our homeReturning to school.  I’m a complex person with too much baggage to check at the curb.  I never seem to feel one definitive way about anything anymore.  In truth, I normally feel conflicted.  Often simultaneously bombarded by opposing feelings and thoughts.

Why do I feel alone when I’m surrounded by so many amazing people?  I enjoy people.  I love my friends but I also feel most alone when I’m in a large group.  I haven’t quite figured that out yet.  I try to be present in any conversation I have. Could it be that in a large group my mindfulness wanders?  I begin to drift into the past or the future.  I think about who I was and how different my current selves are to him.  I leave the moment and disappear, alone into an abyss of inward thought.  Only brought back to the present by the engagement and in-depth conversation with an individual.

How can one feel confident yet insecure, excitement together with trepidation or (my personal favourite) happiness tethered to sadness?  It’s not that I can’t articulate how I feel.  Very much the opposite! I would argue that my 20 year old self didn’t embrace all of these feelings.  Whereas now, I’m willing to entertain that a sunset can bring about a joyful sadness, that needs to be embraced for the beautiful moment that it is.

Photo by Michael Brunt

Published by

Michael Brunt

PhD | Science curious | Single dad | Animal lover | Motorcycle enthusiast | Traveller

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